The Fortitude of a Woman

Learning to be selfish has been very daunting. Not selfish in the sense of not caring for others, however, deliberately taking care of myself without feeling guilty. Many may think I’m immensely selfish and perhaps, mean as a result. This is the thing about me that so many judge inaccurately. People see an undeniably large stature, confident woman and some probably think, “she thinks she’s the shit” or “who does she think she is?!” or maybe even, “this bitch”. However, what they don’t know, and what many will never know is the pain and struggle I have had to endure and persevere to get here - confidently holding my head high. They don’t know the abuse, the rejection, the sabotage, the betrayal and utter lack of support that I have had in my life. My story was nearly a complete destructive journey. 

I have fought insanely hard to maintain my sanity and I am still unlearning some awful examples that were set before me whilst holding on to the virtues that I have absorbed. What I struggle with the most is not understanding what it is about a confident woman that people are so afraid of. Why does strength and confidence, in a woman, make some people immediately think negatively? If I see a strong, confident woman, I am curious to learn more about her. It excites me because there are so few confident and strong women that are AWARE of what they are. It’s so important to find yourself as a woman. It is the greatest gift you can give yourself. Knowing your worth is extremely important to face this world and it took me, what felt like ages, to find mine. Personally, I found mine in myself through my journey to peeling the painful layers away. I hate to be cliche, but, I AM unapologetically me. I don’t know how to be anyone else nor do I want to.

I challenge you to say to yourself right now, “ I AM WORTHY”. Because you simply are. You are because you deserve to be mentally free of all the stigmas and pain that have been placed on you by family, friends, and society. When you see a beautiful woman or a woman that is doing something you admire, compliment her and receive a smile in return. Be charitable, even if only by making someone smile. You don’t know the darkness that some people are living in. Learn not just a sanguine approach towards others, but start with yourself. 

Thanks for stopping by,

Kaloni

Dress: Eloquii, similar here; sandals: old, similar here; clutch: Khan Al-Khalili (market in Egypt) similar here; earrings: Katerina Makriyianni; similar here and here. 

Modern Victorian

Living in a world of content creators can be really intimidating sometimes. I barely have followers compared to many, so I often ask myself, am I being realistic? Can this dream be realized in a sea of bloggers? This dream I have to become an influencer and entrepreneur. I believe in myself, so I must believe that it can. Although I am working on these things, I have yet to attain my goals. There is so much work to do that I get overwhelmed at times. Nothing in life is certain; but we have to fight for the belief in ourselves and what we can achieve because everyday society reminds us otherwise. I am believer! Are you?!

This look is something I created on a whim. I wasn't sure what to wear one day to an event so I threw this on. The dress is a little shorter than I'd normally wear, however, I loved it so much, especially with the dramatic sleeves. It reminds me of the drama during the Victorian era. This dress is old. I actually don't recall which store I bought it from. The shoes have fur and are something I have always loved but never purchased because I felt it wasn't right. However, a newer brand that I have come to adore called Brother Vellies, though pricey, is a sustainable slow fashion brand that is committed to the cause. I have stocked their site and I finally saved up for a pair of the Dhara sandals. I LOVE them! These babies will be in my closet for years. I don't even care when this is no longer a trend, I'm still wearing them!

Dress: old, similar here and here; Shoes: BV, similar here and here; Earrings: old, similar here and here.

Denim Blues

The thing about getting dressed that I have always loved is the finished result. Getting dressed is what I imagine to be like creating a piece of art. You have to ensure you have the materials necessary to create this vision that you have and in hopes that it’ll evoke the emotion that is hopefully positive. So many artists never allow people to see various finished works of art because they don’t feel the emotion behind it that they imagined. They don’t deem it worthy. It can feel shameful. 

I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve dressed entirely only to take it off and start all over again. Most that know me know that I take forever to get dressed. I never really understood what it is about me that causes me to take so long to get ready. I had to ask myself am I that much of a procrastinator (oh yeah, I can be sometimes)? I’ve felt like I was weird for so long because why do I care so much about the 'clothes’ that I’m wearing? Over time I have realized that this world is so hurtful at times and I needed armor — psychologically, to face this world. Life has not always been kind to me. I have experienced so much pain and I needed to at least start off on the right path every day, even if I didn’t end up staying there. I would pick myself up every day and try again. For me, that was getting dressed to the best of my ability. Which means, there is a lot of thought that goes into it. It’s very personal, it's deep for because, it’s more than just clothes, it’s my ‘shield’. I decided a long time ago that no matter what I was going through, I wasn’t going to let the world know I felt like shit. I was going to subscribe to the cliche ‘fake it until you make it’. I’m not sure if I have made it yet, however, I’ve come very far. I’m happy. No, you don’t get it, I’m BLOODY happy! And for me, these are reasons to put on my best and face the world. 

Love,

Kaloni 

top: ASOS; skirt: RRachelRoy ; shoes: Brother Vellies, similar here and here; bag: Wolf&Badger.