Amber is my Current Energy

Hiii! So, it’s been quite a while since I've been here. Welcome, if you are new! Thank you to my supporters who have stuck with me. You are immensely appreciated.

Life is an ever constant soul shattering and mind awakening experience. One can never be absolutely certain of what will unfold, no matter the plan, hope or desire. So, my motto is: stay amber. Move with caution but, carry on. Just keep moving. I hope wherever you are in life, you do that just, keep moving. That is the only thing we can do. I don’t resist, I stay fluid as much as possible. Significantly less stress.

dress: asos

shoes: brother vellies

Ebb and Flow

Recently, I have taken a vastly intense introspective look at myself. Why am I the way I am? I think some of us don’t care to think about this as it can cause painful memories to surface. So out of fear, most of us, probably, don’t beg the question. We dare not tread on unraveled waters. We have suppressed many unpleasant memories as it makes it easier to walk through life, or does it? Certainly, I am guilty of this. I lived in immense fear for so long that I accepted the “residue” of the person that I thought I was. I didn’t know I could change my frame of thought, or as I have adopted from a friend that liked to call it, make a paradigm shift.

I felt like I was stuck with whatever, whoever I was because fear caused me to suppress my “why” and I unknowingly suppressed me. Many could tell you I had an excuse for everything I could not do, and I just accepted that.

I just knew exactly what I needed and would be capable of in this world. I dubbed myself as an unlucky, misfortune, that was dealt a bad hand. As I have journeyed through my life, I’ve learned that I could change the ugly in me and I didn’t have to suppress parts of me out of fear of my ugly past surfacing. How could I even get started? I had no idea. I began reading, a lot. Prayed too! I soon realized that the only way to embark on a new me, I had to face the old and current me.

I started asking myself the “why”, and I decided that I didn’t have to accept how my past swayed my now.  I began to unravel, unwrap and uncover my “why”. I faced it all, the good, the bad, and the extremely ugly. I cried, I danced, I slept, I ranted, and I raved until I couldn’t anymore. I was now free of my own suppressions placed on me and by others. So now what? Right?! After I uncovered my inner truth, I had to rebuild me – without suppressions. Honestly, I am still building me. I truly believe, I may never stop building me as I think one should never stop evolving. Many of us associate evolution with material – tangibility.

 I don’t believe that that is truly evolution. As humans, we are so much more than that. I think through our life’s work, we can acquire gifts for ourselves that we can appreciate, but we as humans should caution ourselves with not attaching sentiment to material items. I constantly ask myself, if I had just 15 minutes to pack, what would I pack? It puts things into perspective. Though, I have to be frank, I struggle with this!

We all live whatever life we create, then, not to be morbid, but, we die. All that is left behind, stays behind. The only thing that is left are the memories etched in the minds of those in which we left an impression, negatively or positively. I am often guilty of running to the hottest sale or trend, or just buying a “coveted” item that I value. Does it really have any real value, nope. It’s just stuff. It will always be stuff. However, the inner stuff is what truly matters. I just want to be aware of my choices more closely.

Top: sold out; similar here

Pants: sold out asos

Shoes: here

Earrings: sold out zara

Mod Positivity

With every year that passes, I appreciate and understand positivity more and more. I used to think “negative energy” was some type faux concept that people liked to reference to simply categorize someone. However, as my confidence has grown, I know that “negative energy” is very real. It’s not just about someone’s mood. It has a lot to do with words. The things that are said to a person or even about a person. Some believe they can take back what they’ve said, but, I don’t believe that. I believe when a person says something, it’s exactly how they feel even if, only briefly. You see, as adults, we are all responsible for not only our actions, but, also, our words. 

I know when I have said negative things, it was because I honestly felt that way or because I felt negatively about myself. I believe it all starts from within, there’s always a reason for why we say the things we say. Sometimes, it’s the energies in which we surround ourselves — people, music, films, our environment, etc. There are so many forms of negative energy. I try to make a conscious effort to surround myself with positive energy. This is partly why I often spend a lot of days alone. Some might say, being alone is unhealthy, on the contrary, for me, it’s not. It allows me to reflect on the things I need to and devise a plan to make necessary improvements in my life, for there is always room for improvement. I have also learned to always be ready for the unknown because nothing in life is ever certain. I have to just keep pushing past the unexpected. Life is truly what you make it. 

I pay close attention to how I speak to myself. How I speak to myself, will become how I perceive myself and ultimately what position in life I end up in. Positivity is so immensely important. I used to think it was silly to speak affirmations to myself or consider myself awesome. However, I am. I am a person that has a lot to offer to the many people that have come into my life. I have been a gift to some people, and I don’t mean that arrogantly, I mean that now because I finally believe what some have told me for a while now. I appreciate that I have been able to be that to some. My challenge now is to be that gift to myself. 

Sunglasses: LeSpecs; Dress/Coat: Domestic by Reuben Reuel - soldout; Jeans: old DIY; Shoes: old Zara, similar here and here.